Here we go again kids! All the answers that you’ve been dieing to know! I shall answer them so that you can go to yr grave a happy happy chunk of flesh and bones.
ye olde Tenacious Me wants to know
guess who’s coming out your way next month?
I think it’s the reanimated corpse of Joseph Stalin, that or the Chairman Mao were-spider. One of those. Who am I kidding with the “I think” business? Really? Ha! Well they MAY come my way next month, but for SURE the ghost of Jack White. I hear you say “but he’s not dead,” and that’s correct. His ghost is from the future. Idiots.
ze Zen Cookie pops in with 2 questions
I always wanted to move to the Burbank area and work for Nicktoons Network, or do something in the voice-over artist field. How would I go about making these dreams of mine come true?
It’s obvious. So obvious I shouldn’t have to tell you. But I will, cuz I’m a swell guy. Okey, maybe just small hint. Wish on a Magic Infinity-Ball (it’s a Magic 8-Ball on it’s side) on the next full moon at 11:23 PM. Add up the number of letters in the answer it gives you and consult the I-Ching. The answer will be beyond a shadow of a doubt on what to do.
The release date for the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has been announced. How will this affect our lives?
It’s never been harder for me not to answer in a snarky way ever in my life. Am I a fundamentally mean person? Yes, yes I am. But I’ll take it easy, as you’ve never been anything but rooftop shingles and blue translucent 12″ records to me. And also because if I don’t Mr. TheRuiner will sic an army of hoboes on me if I do. So read this and be warned: It will make the year longer by 6 seconds as well as improve the taste of bacon.
Mr TheRuiner is simply asks
what time is it?
This has got to be the best question I’ve ever gotten. Time, one could say is relative. It’s not! It’s firmly set. Time is candy. As in the equation “t = yummy”, where the time is t and candy is yummy. It really is. It’s hard candy. Like candy. From Grandma’s. Stuck in a big ole ball! (YAY for obscure references!) And that ball of candy says that it’s Licorice O’Clock and Lemon Drop minutes PM (Peppermint Meridiem).
Atomik is going blue in the face as I’ve waited until the last minute on this one
what does a big bad wolf wear to a sweathearts dance date?
Isn’t the Big Bad Wolf a cross dresser? I mean he put on Grandma’s house coat quite readily. But that seems out of question for a Sweethearts Dance. Hrm. I suggest green cords, a pair of Chuck Taylor high tops (red or blue with checker board laces) and a shirt made out of hibiscus flowers woven together by a virginal korean teenager. Don’t bother wearing underwear, as it’ll only get in you’re dates way at the end of the dance when she thanks you for a wonderful night. And that’s one to remember!
Okey kids. This one was fairly easy, come on, where are the hard ones? Huh? Bring it on! Losers.
This month is the somewhat triumphant return of the very popular and interesting “Ask Rad Jose” segment of my journal. So, in the tradition of Dr. Science, Dan Kennedy and Dylan Wissing i present to you “Ask Rad Jose”! Seriously you may ask me anything (not math) and i will attempt to answer it. For it is true: i have no shame! Just pose a question in the comments section and i will answer them to the best of my ability in my next “Ask Rad Jose” LJ entry… will you go to prom with me, and dance and dance and dance and dance?