Monthly Archives: February 2008

ASK RAD JOSE: the 5th Anniversary Edition PART FOUR

You didn’t ask for it, but you get it anyway! Here it is, the 5th Anniversary Ask Rad Jose wrapping up session! Wheeee! With a whopping… one question to send us out on? DAAAAAMN. Well, as least it’s 2 question from the same inquizitive mind.

Yeah, it’s everyone’s favorite, Tricky Pants AKA rkelly.
dear rad jose,
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Like a nut

also why are some computer fixin folks SHADY SCREWY RATLIKE BADEVIL INDIVIDUALS?
thank you for your time and attention in this matter,
rkelly

Most computer fixin folk aren’t even human! That’s true! The ones that are, are the good ones, the non human ones, well, they SUCK! They’re from the hollow inner Earth, and mean to eat your soul via your computer. You cannot trust them! How can you identify them? Well, it’s hard, they are very skilled in hiding themselves & blending in. Holy water works, so does holy Mountain Dew. Use it to your advantage!

Well folks, that’s mostly it. That was my last official question this round. Yeah, I know, you didn’t think I’d get them all done this year before the end of Feb, well thank you Leap Year! YAY! There’s been on pressing question on the minds of most people that no one dared ask, but I’ll answer it anyway:

Jose, when are you coming back to Peoria?
signed, awesome Peorians

Well friends, the answer is…. (drum roll)…. in 2 weeks! That’s right! Ya’ll bes better be at that Amazin’ Kill-0-Watts show on the 14th to rock out with me! And then continued rockin’ out in all the normal Peoria scene rockin’ places. You may find me on Saturday, and on Sunday, we’re havin’ a get together at my parents place, call me/text me/email me for details if you wish to attend. Then on St Pat’s I’ll be somewhere in downtown Peoria, well, almost all day. Look forward to it, I know I am!

Well that’s it kids, I hope you all feel smarter after a month of awesome questions and even awesomer answers. You’re all the coolest. Until Feb. ’09 the genius switch is off!

This month was the somewhat triumphant return of the very popular and interesting “Ask Rad Jose” segment of my journal. So, in the tradition of Dr. Science, Dan Kennedy and Dylan Wissing i presented to you “Ask Rad Jose”! Seriously you could’ve asked me anything (not math) and i would attempt to answer it. For it is true: i have no shame! Just pose a question in the comments section and i will answer them to the best of my ability in my next “Ask Rad Jose” LJ entry, which will be next year… it’s over, sorry but it is… but we can still be friends!

ASK RAD JOSE: The 5th Anniversary Edition PART THREE

First, happy belated VD to one and all. Hopefully you spent it all happified and soda pop, anything less would be un-fun and totally not joycore. Always strive for joycore, no sad eyed bastards better be up in my friend list! At any rate only 2 of you seem to be in need of my great knowledge, and that just can’t be, the world needs my help! Don’t be too afraid to ask me! Tap this well before you, you’d be an idiot not to!

First is a question from the Cook Zennie,
A few days ago, Chinese New Year brought the year of the Rat. With that in mind, what would you do if you saw a chick wearing these rat themed shoes?

Sorry to all that I did not link the picture of these shoes. They scare me. Rats aren’t cool or funny. I’d be wary of any chick that would slip her feet into those monstrosities. No! No! Don’t even tell me that they’re cute little mice themed shoes! That’s a lie! A dirty dirty lie! May you burn in hell crazy rat shoe makers. I don’t blame you Zen Cookie, I blame freak society!

And now a question from the illustrious BobbyMoseley,
why is the sky blue?? serious question

Oh young Bobby, fairest of all the Moseleys, you should know, all questions are serious on Ask Rad Jose! There’s not a single one that I don’t give seconds of research and thought to before answering. Frankly, I’m a bit insulted that you would add such a line to your question, but beggars can’t be choosers, and your question made the cut. So why is the sky blue? See the sky is a reflection of the eyes of all the wide eyed blue eyed folks looking up into the sky, curious about the universe. This is why blue eyed people make poor astronomers, the damn blue reflection when other blue eyes are looking up too, they only add to the problem. When a certain ratio of blue eyed people stop looking up the sky gets darker and darker until it’s night, and comes back the next day after they wake and start looking at the sky. As you may remember, the sun is held up & shines by the will of population of Earth and has NOTHING to do with the sky color. It’s all about the blue eyed slackers that look in the sky all day while lounging in fields. Why does this only work for the blue eyed? Apparently the sky is an aryan, and that you’ll have to take that up with him, I’m not backing up that bigoted fat ass!

There you go folks! Another awesome round of me answering YOUR questions. This whole endeavor is made possible by you, the awesome community of friends I’ve come to love and adore over the years. You’re all so awesome. So ask me some freakin’ questions!

This month is the somewhat triumphant return of the very popular and interesting “Ask Rad Jose” segment of my journal. So, in the tradition of Dr. Science, Dan Kennedy and Dylan Wissing i present to you “Ask Rad Jose”! Seriously you may ask me anything (not math) and i will attempt to answer it. For it is true: i have no shame! Just pose a question in the comments section and i will answer them to the best of my ability in my next “Ask Rad Jose” LJ entry, come on, it’s what all the cool kids are doing!

ASK RAD JOSE: The 5th Aniversary Edition PART TWO

I said weekly and I mean weekly dammit! I’m here again to answer the burning questions that have set your collective minds on fire! My answers are the calm cooling water to help you. You know I’m right! Now on with the questioning my dear inquisitive friends.

Ben Jackson, the most adorable kindest guy in Peoria (take notes ladies) comes to me with this:
Dear Jose,
I haven’t seen Cloverfield and I if I do it will be on video. I hear it is a giant monster movie. what did you think it was going to be? and if you were gonna make a giant monster movie what random real life animals would you squish together to make your monster? I would make a Elegirafamelaurusrex.

I think your idea is pretty good Ben, and I’d hate to compete with it. But you asked, so I’ll tell you what I’d like it to have been. A giant goldfish. One that somehow swims through the air. Like, you wouldn’t even guess that it was on land. Gravity doesn’t affect it. It’s a giant goldfish swimming through the streets about 10 feet above them knocking down building with the wag of it’s tail. Oh, and it blows bubbles. Evil bubbles. You know, lead bubbles like Bubble Man from Mega Man II. You know what I’m totally talking about! That’d be awesome scary!

Zen Cookie asks me this question, from IL next to a landing strip:
If you could resurrect 3 cartoons to pull a “family guy” (though I’d rather say “futurama”), which cartoons would they be and why? (You could update the animation style if you wish).

Well part of my wish has come true, as we already have Futurama. That being said, this is starting to boarder on a real question, it’s hard for me to answer these in a silly manner, as I could if you asked more life advice type of questions. So uh, the other 2, I don’t know… The Adventures of Beany and Cecil and the Sifl & Olly Show (yeah yeah, I know that wasn’t a cartoon, eff off, it was awesome and I want more!)

The Trickiest of all Pant, Lil Miss Tricky Pants asks this from her stately manor in Portland:
what pants do you find best for trickin’ in?

It’s no lie when I think that you know the answer to this, and are just humoring me! But so be it, I’ll take that challenge missy! With out a doubt it is the pair of jeans or cords that you’ve had for so long that they feel like family. They’re almost too old to keep and may be close to calling it a day, but they’re still holding in there. They hold in there for you! For you to go trickin’ in!

When I think of suave and sophisticate, I think of Mr. Flunky76. And when he thinks of a good question he sends it to me. Awww thanks for thinking of me buddy! Here’s what’s on his mind:
Jose, whats the deal with Diamond David Lee Roth? How long can he keep touring and being a bad ass trying to pick up teenage chicks? the dude looks like the crypt keeper…but still gets chicks..whats up with that?

“Skiddily Biddily Bop” my friend. That’s the special invocation chanted by the one and only Diamond D.L.R. that gives him all of his magical powers. I know, he doesn’t seem like he has the time to be an ace rocker and totally rad sorcerer. It’s that mistake that’s caused nations to fall and chicks of all ages, races, genders, and classes to flock to him. And to tell you the truth, there really isn’t a David Lee Roth in the physical sense anyway. He’s a wayward spirit that has such awesome abilities that it only seems like he’s a solid form. He’s a powerful ghost from the future, sent here to rock us! Rock us silly!

Well that was our last question this round. My friend Billy TheRuiner wished me a “Happy Mardi Gras” and that was mighty kind of him. But other than that, no more questions, so please, think of a few. Is yr love life in the dumps? Is there trouble at work? Can’t seem to find the remote control or the key to yr sock drawer? “Trouble” “in bed”? Alls you need to do is Ask Rad Jose!

This month is the somewhat triumphant return of the very popular and interesting “Ask Rad Jose” segment of my journal. So, in the tradition of Dr. Science, Dan Kennedy and Dylan Wissing i present to you “Ask Rad Jose”! Seriously you may ask me anything (not math) and i will attempt to answer it. For it is true: i have no shame! Just pose a question in the comments section and i will answer them to the best of my ability in my next “Ask Rad Jose” LJ entry, come on, for reals, I got’cher back!

ASK RAD JOSE: the 5th Anniversary Edition PART ONE

Well it’s true dear readers, I once again messed up the last time I did Ask Rad Jose and left some dangling questions from last year hanging. The up side is that I get to hit the ground running with these, the down side, some poor poor friends of mine have had to wait a year wandering around clueless when they could’ve been helped with my knowledge. My promises this year, weekly answers, no unanswered questions, and an explosive ending that you won’t see coming and will be talking about for years! Okey, let’s get to the questions!

I have a triple quiz sent to me from the coolest chick in West Virginia, Alixis
What do you think about Rage Against the Machine reforming?

I don’t, and I try very hard not to.

Why do anarchists take everything so freaking seriously?

Because anarchy is a serious business. But it’s not a business because there aren’t any bosses. So it’s simple math. Anarchy = Serious Business – Business = Serious. So by nature they HAVE to take everything seriously.

What color should I dye my hair? Right now it’s fuchsia.

Once again I’ve lost out on the right to tell a young lady what color to dye her hair. But my help was never needed here, fuchsia is always the way to go. No doubt about it, you’ve got it right already. Please say you’ll still need me!

When she’s not takin’ Portland by storm, Tricky Pants sends in questions, like these 3
why haven’t either of us been to scotland yet?

Isn’t it because we’ve both been banned from the UK at large from our last trip there? The Sherlock Holmes museum will never be the same that’s for sure. And I TOLD you that peeing the Winston Churchill statue wouldn’t grow more Churchills! The Bobby’s had my bollox in a vice for standing there laughing and not stopping you.

wanna go in a coupla years?

If customs will clear us, I can’t see why not. I’m believed to be toxicly good looking so that may be a problem.

you, me and some scotch, we go to scotland? yeaaaah!

Who needs Scotland and their neds if we have some scotch? Kidding kid! I so want to go to Scottland some day. I have it on good authority from some awesome friends that it’s totally the bees knees.

And finally, Lil Sara Roommate rounds out her 3 questions for our first installment.
How many more snow days will I have in this lovely snowbound college town?

The same number of dead moths you’ll find in your lamp after that morning you wake up with a new stuffed animal suddenly in your bed. His name will be Walter the duck. He will lead you to the lamp to count the moths and then remark “That’s right!” when you tell him the number. He’ll never speak again, leaving you to ponder if you’re crazy or if he’s gone mute.

Why does Little Jenny drink just as much as I do?

Her mouth is a gateway to another dimension. One where they build houses out of rubber bands and sing folk songs about otters. So she’s not drinking like you or I might, she’s shipping all those Jager Bombs off to a magical fairy land that converts them into fuel for their candy can automobiles.

When will I find my Chuck Taylor shoes?

Never.

That was pretty good. Wasn’t it? It wasn’t?! You suck! Send me some questions and maybe I’ll improve! Ever think of that? Huh? HUH?! That’s right, if you’re not suitable entertained it’s all YOUR fault. No skin of me, brutha. I’m here trying to help you guys out!

This month is the somewhat triumphant return of the very popular and interesting “Ask Rad Jose” segment of my journal. So, in the tradition of Dr. Science, Dan Kennedy and Dylan Wissing i present to you “Ask Rad Jose”! Seriously you may ask me anything (not math) and i will attempt to answer it. For it is true: i have no shame! Just pose a question in the comments section and i will answer them to the best of my ability in my next “Ask Rad Jose” LJ entry, you know you totally want to… see me fail…