here we are kids, the last instalment of Ask Jose! i can’t belive it either, it’s been quite a month! so i’ll stop wasting yr time and get right to the questions!
Cara, the Washington transplant needs to know
Where is Johnny Socko playing now?
they are currently on tour in a pocket univerce w/ the Wyld Stalyans
the Editor-in-Cheef of PA has these questions
Dear Rad Jose, How come your spelling gets better when you write the “Ask Jose” column?
Do you have a secret ghost writer?
i asure you, it’s all me, no one else would do THIS much for nothing but joy and love
and the Brandon goes out w/ style and several questions for me! let’s get started! heck yeah!
if no one calls and i don’t speak all day, do i disappear?
you wouldn’t quite disapper but you’d start hiding in plain sight, but there are those that are trained to see you, therefore you can never truely disappear thanks to these highly trained government agents
a pre-gremlin maguai vs. a furby?
hands down, Furby, those evil bastards!
a munchkin vs. an oompa loompa?
if yr entire race depends on being saved by Gene Wilder, well, come on, that’s pretty damned weak, so the win goes to the Munchkin. Creepy doesn’t always get you a win, unless yr a Furby… creepy evil bastatds!
the pillsbury dough boy vs. snuggles the downy fabric softner bear?
tough call… i’d say the D-boy, but he’s all out of shape… but i would like to see the bear get beat the damn up… huh… i think this one ends in a draw
mr. peanut vs. mr. monopoly?
his name is Uncle Penny Bags, and since he’s family i have to go w/ him
the trix rabbit vs. the coco puffs bird w/ the leprechaun from lucky charms as special guest referee and snap, crackle, and pop as ring side enforcers?
seriously, have you been reading old issues of the Forvm? (wheeee a joke for 5 people!)
m.u.s.c.l.e. men vs. army men?
altho the M.U.S.C.L.E. Men are rather freaky and given to mutations i have to go w/ army men, i mean they have a famous spokes model in GIJoe and everything… come on, how many people that aren’t 80s reject geeks really remember the awesomeness of M.U.S.C.L.E. Men?
mary kate vs. ashley?
which one is the shifty looking one? that one wins!
disney vs. sanrio?
Badz Maru kicks ass over all the Disney characters and then the asses of all the Sanrio charaters leaving only him to rule over all!
ronald mcdonald vs. pogo the clown (john wayne gacy)?
Ole Ron has burger powers mate! he totally wins
your hand vs. el ocho?
more like YOUR HAND VS. EL OCHO!
the hamburger helper glove vs. the arby’s oven mit?
the HH Glove mang, it’s got more dexterity in those fingers! plus he’s from the old skool from when you had to be claymation to break into ads as a spokesman for food stuffs! that’s why everyone loves him, and the fellow actors w/ the Oven Mit only tolorate him
heckle and jeckle vs. white and black (spy vs. spy)?
Heckle & Jeckle. because the Spys are either too busy trying to blow each other up, or figure out how the hell to play their damned NES game!
mrs. white vs. col. mustard in the library w/ the candlestick?
Prof. Plum bursts in and gets them both w/ the Revolver, then he and Miss Scarlet run off to the secret passage way to get it on (she digs geeks)
“brian” vs. “bryan”?
Y do you ask? hahahahaha! i’d say in the end that “Brian” wins, due to the fact that most “Bryan”s go crazy and kill themselves because the world refuses to learn how to spell thier name
and then there’s one question that i could never quite answer, so i pose it to you dear reader to try and help me figure it out!
Daz needs to know this! help him friends
dr rad, my question is one that has made scholars debate until the foam flys from their overheated mouths, what flavors of edible panties truely combine with the tastyness of gurl? The standard cherry and citrus have been written to death by your Shakespear’s and Plato’s and everyone know’s that Robert Louis Stevenson’s buscuit and gravy flavored edible thong in the un-edited version of “the swiss family robinson” was simply a flight of escapist fantasy, yet there must be scientific evidence on edible-undie flavors as combined with types of girls, does black licorice flavor favor the demure emo-gurl does chicken fried steak and gravy flavor really match a girl from Creve Coeur?? I must know this of mighty Dr Rad!!!!
in the tradition of Dr. Science and Dylan Wissing i presented to you ASK RAD JOSE! all you had to do was just pose a question in the comments section and i would’ve answered them to the best of my ability in my next Ask Jose LJ entry… now it’s all over! you bastards! you blew it up!