After seeing Alice in Wonderland the other day I left the cinema pretty underwhelmed. All I could say for it was “well that certainly was a movie.” This is much better than how I left some movies, these are the ones where I felt I had wasted more time than money. These are not just movies that I went to w/ a group thinking “aw this might be bad, but who cares” or “ok that movie wasn’t for me,” no, I’m talking about movies that inspired ire in me.
Santa Clause : the Movie
Imagine a happy little Jose, filled with candy and good cheer, it is the holiday season and he’s going to go see a Christmas movie, then it all goes to hell. Really, I hadn’t even developed any kind of critical faculties and I just KNEW I’d seen something terrible. This movie represents just about everything wrong with the 80s and it’s idiotic excess.
The first chink in the cornerstone of my Tim Burton fanship. I just couldn’t get over how much I hated this. I seriously almost left during that scene at the windmill at the end that took… oh, for-damn-ever! Really, after this I really didn’t mind Planet of the Apes so much. It does seem like I’m the only person who liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory though. Still, man, Sleepy Hollow was bad, it had Walken and it was still terrible!
Star Wars Episode I : the Phantom Menace
Really, who didn’t see this one coming?
I wanted to like this, I wanted to like this as much as I’ve always wanted to like the comic. But it turns out I just am not the person for either. The worst part is, the opening had me fooled! I was all “Oh man, how come I wasn’t seeing everything as being this awesome in the comic?” and then BAM! The movie becomes the magnification of what I didn’t like about the comics.
A movie I hated so much that I ranted about it for a half hour straight. My girlfriend at the time eventually told me to shut up. Thing is, she didn’t like the movie either, but she didn’t want to listen to me complain about it anymore. That was the beginning of the end for that relationship. Allison and I, now we bitch about movies together… a lot, much like after we saw Alice in Wonderland!